Not nice

I know it's not nice to have schadenfreude but I can't help myself.  Someone who likes to wield her power.  Someone who says you work hard me...laughs as she is walking out to her extended lunch. ..Who clearly holds herself to a different standard. ..
It's just a little fun that she is struggling with her house....
It's just a little fun that she is rethinking things rather than just taking time off without paying any leave. I've noticed that she hasn't been questioning me either when I turn in my leave sheets.
Don't get me wrong. ..she is still a cobra and I don't trust her at all.
Just nice to see the karma go the other way for a little while.

Bathroom moments

I am in the bathroom again.  I spend a lot of time in there.  I think it is because it is usually respected as private. I like to think and pray in here. Of course having a good shit is pretty nice too.

unatural highs

I have to say that I like drugs. And it kind of freeks me out that I can enjoy the feeling of just being calm 20 min after taking one kind or feeling happy and talkative after taking another. I mean xanax used to be my favorite because it kept me calm but it wasn't until I discovered percocet that I realized the euphoria that comes with it. I don't use it every day and I don't have to do it.  But I like to keep it around and I like to just kick back every once in awhile.

I'll have to figure out another high eventually but for now with all of the stress this is nice every now and then.

blah tuesday

i am cranky
i hate waiting hear from the house
i don't have time for the house but i'd like to know what the fuck is left to do instead of waiting for others to make decisions and then I have to hurry the fuck up to get shit done when they fucking call me
i hate dealing with the b shit
does she need us or is she using us
is she happy where she is at or is she stuck
i hate fucking dealing with selfish lying mother fucking bb
he obviously is lying about money and really doesn't want to have to deal with b which i honestly don't blame him
i hate dealing with my boss who i can't trust
i hate having to fucking sell myself and a new job which i don't even know if i really want but that i need/want/deserve a raise and a fucking title
i hate dealing with fake ass administrator who blows smoke up my ass and then copies my boss after going on a lunch
i hate that my boss fucking plays mind games with me instead of just fucking telling me upfront what the hell is going on
god did i say that i fucking hate my fucking boss


i want to know where i stand with the house
i want to know that Divya loves the house
i want her fucking rich ass kids to give a damn and give her some fucking money
200 bucks for her birthday are you fucking kidding me????
they spend more than that on a bottle of wine or a haircut and i am not exaggerating
oh and thanks for the pain in the ass safety fence. yeah that will make it look real pretty mother fuckers and it will be a fucking pain in the ass too
that bull shit is because you want us to fucking babysit your mother fucking kids
thanks for the housewarming gift that was soooo fucking thoughtful and something that we really want
i believe all of those articles that talk about how when you get richer you get less empathetic you two fuckers have sure shown it
sorry Divya when i die i sure as fuck am moving with my family
i am not living here and trust your bloodsucking/ ice for blood kids
i want to fucking find a way to clear my head and my schedule to get this damn proposal done and then i want my fucking administrators to read the damn bullshit
i want a raise and a promotion that is going to get me a bigger and better office
i want a raise and promotion that will get me a fucking title that i deserve
i want a raise and a promotion that will get me the fuck out of this fucking place

i want to get the fuck out of here today
i fucking feel like i am fucking crawling out of my fucking skin

Every thing is going well so why do I feel so scared

Gave good birthday presents
Getting new house
Possible promotion
Why do I feel frightened
Why do I feel like the world is closing in
Like Divya is going to leave me
Like I am going to get written up
I hate this