Break Early April

It feels like I just need to take a break. I have been working hard and yet it feels like I am doing some things wrong.
I'm not kidding myself. Probably part of the reason that I feel like things are going so well is because Divya is wanting to spend time with me and not reaching out to other people. She mentioned wanting to get together with other people from her room and some of the old fears were there. I didn't know that she was talking with people who lived close. She spends a lot of time talking on her site. She has me so closed out from being able to check she could be having an emotional or real affair that I wouldn't be aware of. Trust is a very scary thing. It opens you up to being hurt very deeply.

Anyway, things are going pretty good emotionally. I'm working on the emotional negative thinking that is going to be the key to getting help. I am trying to set up writing/tracking spaces for working through this. I'm trying to set up realistic goals so like exercising and getting work done.

I working to fit exercise into my daily agenda.

I want and need to meet with Dr. Black to document what went on with me and my boss JD.

I have a meeting set up with Dr. L for a potential increase in pay/responsibility.

And I have an obligation to get stuff turned in for the website venture with Divya's daughter.

That is quite a bit on my plate.

Not to mention the daily crap that I need to take care of with B and the house.

So, there was something inside me that snapped...broke...resisted, when I told Dr. M that I was taking some time for myself that to work on myself and this other stuff. Her comment back was yes but an introvert such as yourself has to be careful not to let that go on too long because you'll just be happy doing your own thing and not reach out to other people. Remember two friends is what is healthy.

Friends are a fucking hell of lot of work. You have to talk to them and do things with them and so on. I'm not saying that this shouldn't be a goal but right now the thought of making new friends is so overwhelming.

So realistically looking at what Dr. M said, it makes sense that in order to be completely whole, I will need to have other people in my life other than family. I hear her and I'll do it.

At the same time, I think that it is ok to take time to get to where I need to go and if I keep making new good habits, it will fall into place to meet new people. But for now, I am even taking a break from Dr. M for myself to just get back on track with all of the little details that I have going from moving files to writing in my journals to creating tasks list etc. So I cancelled my appointment with Dr. M on April 16th, but now I have to take B to the darn doctor for her puking and I am having to go prom dress shopping. Sounds like a damn day off right....sigh.