I often write about signs and trying to figure them out. I'm feeling a little numb these days. I should have written part of this post earlier but time gets away from me or I just get lazy.
My partner, Divya, had her mother pass away on Friday. Since before we moved to Florida Divya used to see 10/10. she was in a form of law enforcement so @ first she would take it to mean some kind of a warning because that was a code for a fight and everyone should drop everything and come.
She saw those numbers for years and never figured out what it meant. But then her Mom died on October 10th. So is that what it was?
She used to always say you'll have to hit me over the head angels for me to see a sign. Today I was sitting down to write this and bumped my head pretty good on the printer so l had to laugh and ask ok so is this a cosmic joke that I'm sitting down to write about signs and as l do I crack head pretty good.
Anyway, my boss is a pretty big jerk in general so l don't expect a whole from her but I've probably written before that I really believe that my boss is a psychopath. I have reasons and examples to back up that belief so it's not a use of my shitty boss is a fucking psychopath... this bitch is very likely a real psychopath. One of the things that she really enjoys is finding things that push people's buttons or makes them fearful. So she was talking about jobs in general and budgets related to the area that pays for my salary, when she brings up this other person whose position was eliminated related to my departments budget cuts. I asked her if she was trying to tell me that the budget line for my job was being cut. She said and to be honest I've gotten so immune to her BS that I really didn't care on believe her no matter what she said so I didn't get myself to upset about it overall.
There was a little nagging voice in my head though from my own anxiety. what are you going to do Leto. You're the bread winner now that Divya is retired and you need to make more money so that she doesn't have to work. You can't be without a job now. Oh and don't think for one second that my fucking boss wasn't aware of those worries in my life. That is exactly why she went there in the first place.
So while I am soooo much better now and didn't have a total melt down that would have compelled me to make phone calls to people and worry and fret and pray and write, I did have that little bit of nagging doubt. That little bit of lack of faith. I walked away from the boss' office and let it go and didn't ask about it again. I do at least feel good that she doesn't realize that she can still affect me. I asked her directly up front rather than ringing my hands in quiet and talking with the HR person and so on. I asked her straight forward and didn't let it go beyond that at least at work. ;) And my boss was at least not able to openly torture me anymore.
But there was that nagging feeling....and I asked the angels...I just said look, I need a sign. I really need to know. I need something definitive. I've written about how sometimes I think that vanity plates are a sign. On my way home I was behind a car that said something like Angie's something. And I go through a lot of traffic now on the way to my new home and there is a long patch that has three lanes and sometimes I misjudge and try get around people but don't make it. That's ok...it just means that I can't go the back way. I'm going in a different way and I catch a glimpse of a colorful plate ahead of me that I swear said Trst God.
Honestly, my first thought was there's a likely conservative...but it was like a voice in my head said wake up, it's for you. So, I thought was that my message? I had passed it by and I slowed trying to let cars pass...seeing if I could catch a glimpse but I didn't see it again. I thought was that my sign?
I talked to Divya and she said of course it was a sign. "I always tell you Leto that you've got to have faith" and she does say that.
I wanted something more definitive. I think I've read somewhere that you can ask for a sign that you're sure of. Divya and I went to a Chinese/Japanese restaurant because she wanted to try the hibachi food advertised. I wasn't in the mood but went. When our fortune cookies came, I grabbed mine and it said ":) You will be singled out for promotion. :)" [of course the smiley faces were pictures]
I guess it doesn't get much more definitive than that. I'm working all of my angles and applying for jobs. I'll put my faith in God and the angels, and do the work to get there too. But you have to admit that is one hell of a sign.
Also, when I was looking for the fortune in my new purse to make sure that I got the quote correct. I found another fortune that I don't remember ever seeing before. It says "Soon you will be on top of the world."
I'll just go with it.
No comments:
Post a Comment